I figure I should write this
down as soon as I can before I forget details. If you are disturbed in any way
by the words cervix, dilation, pushing…or if you just don’t care to know the
details of Ava’s birth, then this is a post you can skip. Fair warning.
This is the story of a
perfect little baby. My baby. Ava Sophia. When I think about everything that
happened in getting Ava into this world, it all seems so vivid, but feels like
such a blur at the same time. This little person has changed my life - this
person who I didn’t know until 2 days ago. She is everything to me and this is
just the beginning.
Wednesday evening at 7:30pm,
we arrived at the hospital with hospital bags in tow, ready to be induced. We
checked in, got our hospital bands and I was taken past triage to Room 5. I met
my nurse, changed into my gown and got into my hospital bed. The nurse took my
blood pressure and attached little monitors onto my belly to watch the baby’s
heart rate and my contractions. My blood pressure was high and the baby’s heart
rate was higher than normal. I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions
that were really close together, but nothing strong. They decided to give me an
IV to hydrate me to see if they could help the baby’s heart rate come down and
to help my blood pressure. SO, this is where the waiting began. I lay in that
hospital bed from 8:00pm until around midnight before they even mentioned the
word Pitocin (labor inducing drug). The IV worked wonders and soon my blood
pressure was normal and the baby’s heart rate slowed to a steady 130-135bpm. At
this point, they decided to start the Pitocin very slowly. I felt nothing for a
very long time, so Bryson and I just went to sleep. Throughout the night, the
nurse came in several times and upped the Pitocin and then turned it down, then
turned it up again, and down – trying to regulate my contractions that were too
close together when the Pitocin was up higher (again, I was not feeling any
contraction pains, just tightening in my belly).
Around 10:00 in the morning,
the nurse came in and turned up the Pitocin high. I started feeling
contractions, but nothing overly painful. I could still talk through them. The
midwife came in and told me that they were going to put in a Foley Balloon to
help open my cervix since the Pitocin wasn’t working fast enough. They told me
that when the Foley Balloon falls out, I will be 4cm dilated and then the “fun
would begin.” About two hours later, the Foley Balloon came out and when they
checked me, I was at 5cm. Finally, after being in the hospital for over 12
hours, I was making some progress! They told me that I was now in the next
stage of labor and to expect to dilate 1 to 1 ½ centimeters per hour until
10cm. Bryson and Lisa, my mother-in-law, headed down to the cafeteria, thinking
we still had hours to go. While they were gone, I started feeling the most
intense contractions. Everyone told me, “Trust me, you will KNOW when you are
having labor contractions because they hurt so bad you can’t talk through them
or walk through them,” and I finally knew exactly what they meant. They just
HIT ME all of a sudden and they were SO painful. I texted Bryson, “Please come
back as soon as you can.”
Before they came back, the
midwife came back in and I told her that the contractions were getting worse. She
said that she could give me some pain medication and told me, “Don’t be afraid
to take the medicine, and don’t try to be too brave, it’s okay.” I told her I
would let her know as soon as I wanted something. I just wanted to talk to
Bryson first and have him there with me when I got it. Soon, Lisa and Bryson came
back with their lunches. I was in so much pain, I told them I was ready for
whatever medicine the nurse had been talking about. They went out to get her
and when she came in, she checked me and said, “Oh my gosh, you are at a 9, and
actually even a little more!” I had dilated from a 4 to a 9+ in about 30
minutes, which is why the contractions were hurting so bad. This is when the
nurse called the anesthesiologist and told her to hurry and get to Room 5 as
quickly as possible so I could get my epidural in time before my cervix was
completely gone. The anesthesiologist was with another patient and couldn't get to me for 45 minutes. My nurse and
midwife both told me, “I don’t think you are going to make it – we don’t have
enough time to get you your epidural. It’s time to deliver this baby.” They
also told me that being more than 9cm dilated, there was no way I could sit
still enough to get an epidural. THIS was my absolute WORST nightmare. I have
always said that my worst nightmare of giving birth was not having enough time
to get an epidural or somehow having it not work. I stayed so calm though and
said, “Please, I PROMISE I will sit still. Please, I need the epidural.” They
called the anesthesiologist again asking where she was. Meanwhile, I felt the
uncontrollable urge during each contraction to push and the nurse and midwife
are telling me, “Don’t push! Don’t push!” So I sat there, breathing, breathing,
breathing…doing anything I could to “not push.” I heard about 100 times, “She
(meaning the anesthesiologist) isn’t going to make it in time...this baby is
coming now!” They started getting everything ready for delivery and I kept
saying softly, “Please, I can wait, I promise.” Finally, the anesthesiologist
came and had me sit cross-legged on the table with my back hunched over. She
told me to sit perfectly still. I sat for about 15 minutes, through the most
painful contractions and did not move a muscle haha. I was DETERMINED. The
anesthesiologist got in the epidural, but still warned me that she didn’t think
it was going to kick-in in time so she gave me a fast-acting drug that would "take the edge off." Thankfully, that drug relieved that “urge to push” for long enough for me to lie
down and relax and let the epidural work it’s magic. By this time, I was at 10cm, completely effaced, but they had me wait for a few more contractions to push the baby down a little farther until it was time to push.
WELL, from then on…it was
smooth sailing as far as pain goes. I felt absolutely NOTHING. It was
wonderful! I was thanking the anesthesiologist and nurses who coached me
through sitting still and telling them they were my heroes and I was going to
send them flowers haha. I was SO happy. A couple minutes later, it was time to
push. Everything at this point seemed so calm and almost anti-climatic because
of how relaxed and pain-free I felt. The nurse broke down the bed and explained
what she wanted me to do during each contraction (push for 10 seconds, deep
breath in, push again, deep breath, push one more time) and told me, “Let’s do
this.” She told me she thought we could have the baby out in 30 minutes, which
gave me some hope. Well, an hour later…I had made very little progress. The
baby was stuck and her heart rate was starting to drop to the 60’s each time
and wasn’t recovering fast enough. I also started feeling chest pain (no idea
what it was from). They called the doctor and in came the doctor with several
other people. He was concerned about my chest pain and about the baby’s heart
rate and said, “We need to get this baby out quickly, so we’re going to try to
use the vacuum. If this doesn’t work, our next option will be a C-section.”
After about 4 pushes and the help of the vacuum, I heard the doctor say, “One
more push, slowly!” and then Bryson say, “Oh my gosh, she’s coming!” and
suddenly she was here!
They laid her on my chest
right away. Bryson was crying, I was crying, my mother-in-law was crying and
then I heard the most beautiful cry…my sweet little daughter cried for the
first time. My daughter. Her white,
wrinkly, wet body and matted dark hair was the most beautiful sight I had ever
seen. She stopped crying, opened her little blue-grey eyes and looked right at me - I
was instantly in love. She wrapped her tiny little fingers around mine. All of a sudden, my life was changed. From that moment
on, everything I thought about, cared about, worried about, hoped for…was her.
We spent the next two days
getting to know each other. It's amazing how you carry a child for 9 (10)
months, and then they come out and you have no idea who they are. The more I
got to know her, the more I fell in love. I wouldn't let her sleep in her
little plastic bassinet - she had to be in my arms all night. I spent the major part of
our hospital stay just staring at this amazingly beautiful little person,
wondering how I could have possibly created her.
While lying in my hospital bed, I
watched Ava turn Bryson into a completely different person. He refused to ever
let her leave his sight. He jumped up out of bed the second he heard even the
slightest whimper in the middle of the night. He knew exactly what she needed,
when she needed it. He changed every diaper, swaddled and re-swaddled her to
perfection and diligently stayed awake to rock her every night. He has
fallen for his little girl, and fallen hard. In turn, I have fallen even harder
for him. Bringing a child into our family has strengthened our marriage in so
many ways.
I am so grateful for the
many nurses, midwives and doctors that helped, coached, advised and took care
of us throughout the days we were in the hospital. I am thankful for all of our friends and family who were waiting anxiously to hear the news; texting, calling, Facebook checking...all because they cared so much about our little girl even before she was born. It was truly the most amazing, beautiful experience of my life - one that makes me cry every time thinking of the miracle of it all. Several times during our hospital stay, I would catch Bryson staring at our beautiful daughter and he would just sigh and say, "Wow, I am so happy."
There is no better way to put it than simply to say as he did, "Wow, I am so happy."
