Gavin's {very long} Birth Story

Gavin came into this world on March 6, 2013 at 1:54am...5 days early - such a difference from his sister who made us wait 10 days pasr her due date. He is the absolute perfect baby, truly spoiling his mom already. I love him even more than I could imagine...and I loved him instantly. He not only fits perfectly into our little family, he belongs with us...he is meant to be with us in every way.

Gavin's Birth from Ashley Webster on Vimeo.

Here is the story of the day he decided to join our family:

On March 5th I had a doctor's appointment at 3:10pm for my 39 week check-up. Up to this point, I had always found a friend to watch Ava, but this time I had asked Bryson to work from home so he could stay home with her. For some reason, I had this feeling before leaving for my appointment that I needed to get everything "ready to go" - just in case. Bryson told me later that he had the same kind of feeling - that it wasn't going to be just a "normal" appointment. I arrived at my appointment and the medical assistant did all the usual "pre-appointment" things: weighed me, took my blood pressure, etc. My blood pressure was high - higher than it's ever been. She took me back to my room and when my doctor came in, he listened to the baby's heartbeat, measured my belly and checked my cervix. He seemed excited when he told me, "Wow, you are a little more than a 2 and your cervix is very low and thin." Now, if you know Ava's birth story you would know that even at 41 weeks pregnant, I never even dilated to a 1. So hearing I was even at a 2 was good news...not great news, but good - especially considering I still had a week to go. Then he said, "I think you will go into labor any day now." I kind of, a little bit rolled my eyes and thought, "Uh huh, sure," mostly just not wanting to get my hopes up. :) Then he brought up my blood pressure. He told me he wasn't too worried about my blood pressure - it wasn't high enough to be too dangerous. But still, it was higher than it should be. He told me he could induce me now, but because he thought I would go into labor so soon, he wanted to give me a chance for labor to start naturally. So he sent me over to get a Non-stress Test where they would monitor my BP and the baby's heart rate for a while. He then told me to schedule an appointment with him for Friday just to be safe, but added at the end, "But I highly doubt you'll still be pregnant by Friday." Well 45 minutes later, NST showed that my BP was still high. So the perinatologist told me that he was going to send me up to L&D and that if my BP was still high (which was very likely), they would admit me, give me a little bit of pitocin to "nudge" me in labor (since I was already close) and I would have my baby in 4 or 5 hours. I'm pretty sure my mouth was gaping open when I asked, "Wait, so what are you saying exactly?" He responded, "I'm not saying it's definite, but it's highly likely you will have your baby tonight. You should head up to Labor and Delivery right now." This news came as a complete shock to me. I was excited, nervous, surprised...all at the same time. I even got a little sad, thinking that although I was excited for our boy to arrive, I needed to first go home and hug and kiss my little Ava one last time before she became a big sister. It felt like a blessing when the doctor called up to L&D to tell him I was on my way only to find that they were incredibly busy and to have me come later tonight, at 8:00pm. "Go home, get something to eat and come back at 8pm and be ready to have this baby," the doctor instructed me. "Oh, and good luck!" he said through a smile. On my way to the car, I called Bryson, still kind of in denial, and told him the game plan. "This will probably end up being a false alarm, you know," I was convinced nothing would come of it, mostly to protect myself from getting my hopes up.

I honestly didn't feel like I even had time to process what was about to happen - instead I was consumed with thoughts of Ava: who would watch her, would she feel like I was abandoning her, how do I make sure she knows I love her, how do I make the most of my last moments with her as my only child? I remember walking into the house and seeing Ava playing outside; she was sitting on the ground digging, absolutely covered in dirt, but as beautiful as ever. I stood by the window and watched her play as tears streamed down my cheeks. Bryson comforted me and asked what was wrong. "These are my last moments with her as my only child. From here on out, I have to divide my time. I won't have as much time with just her anymore. I don't want her to feel like I am abandoning her." Bryson hugged me and responded, "I guess I never thought about it like that." Just then, Ava looked up and saw me standing in the window. She shouted, "Mama!" and ran in a sprint with a huge smile towards me. My sweet, sweet girl...I knew she would be an incredible big sister and that even with the huge, life-changing transition of having to share her "Mama" with a sibling, she would only become a better and happier person. After all, there is no greater blessing in life than a sibling - a friend for life.

Just the day prior I had packed my hospital bag and a "just in case" overnight bag for Ava (never thinking in a million years we would have to use it - because I "knew" this baby wasn't coming early!) and installed the infant car seat in the back of our Jetta. I made sure we had everything, Bryson put our bags in the trunk, we buckled Ava into her car seat and off we went. We stopped at California Pizza Kitchen for a quick dinner and then we dropped Ava off at a friend's house (who very generously watched her last minute) and headed to the hospital.

At 8:00pm, we checked into Labor and Delivery, I put on a gown and I was hooked up to a BP monitor in triage. They took about two or three readings, all of which were high, and then sent in a lady with a clipboard and admission papers to sign. At this point, I realized it was real. I was about to have a baby. So, Bryson and I walked the hall to room 8, in as two...out as three.

After getting all settled into our room and meeting the doctor on call, the nurse started the Pitocin (around 10 or 11pm - I lost track of time at this point). I could see my contractions on the monitor...I could definitely feel them and they were uncomfortable, but nothing overly painful. A couple hours later, after watching several old episodes of the Office, I started feeling painful contractions. After two deliveries, I have learned about myself that I am a "silent sufferer" - meaning even when it hurts a lot, you won't hear a peep out of me. No moaning or groaning or screaming in pain. I kind of just "retreat" into myself. I woke up Bryson, who was sleeping soundly on the couch :), and said, "I think I might want to get an epidural now." Bryson and I were both afraid that what happened last time would happen again - that I would dilate so quickly that I wouldn't have time to get an epidural (with Ava, I BARELY had enough time and got an epidural when I was 10cm dilated). Bryson called the nurse and when she came in, she told me, "You seem just fine, I don't think you are ready for an epidural yet." Um, excuse me? Bryson told her, "Why don't you just get the doctor and have him check her, just to make sure." Anyway, the doctor found that I was at 5cm and told me now was a great time to get an epidural. So in comes the anesthesiologist...who starts giving me the epidural. In the meantime, I am trying my absolute hardest to sit still, all while knowing in my head things were progressing very quickly because the pain was getting much, much worse. About 20 minutes after the doctor had checked me saying I was 5cm and before the anesthesiologist had finished giving me the epidural, I felt that "urge to push." I told the nurse through clenched teeth and she immediately ordered the anesthesiologist to stop and that it was time for me to push this baby out. "Is the epidural done?" I asked her. "No, and even if it was, it wouldn't work in time...you're having this baby now." She called the midwife in, they broke down the bed and it was then that I realized I was about to have this baby without an epidural, without any pain medication at all. I'm pretty sure I said out loud, "This is literally my worst nightmare," and the nurses and midwife laughed a little and said "You can do this! The quickest way to get rid of the pain you are feeling is to get this baby out!" And that's what I kept telling myself...I CAN DO THIS. And I did!

For nine months, my sweet little son grew inside me, became a part of me, gave me constant reassurance he was there. In just 20 minutes of pushing, we met face to face for the first time. And just like with Ava, I fell instantly in love with the tiny person I'd never seen before. My sweet baby Gavin was finally in my arms. All 7 pounds 12 ounces and 21 inches of him. And he showed me a little glimpse of heaven.

He was (and is) absolutely perfect. Any doubts or worries of how I could possibly love another child as much as I love Ava were instantly gone - the second I saw my wrinkly little son, held his tiny little hands in mine, kissed his soft little cheeks...I knew I was deeply in love. I love his dark brown hair, his long finger-like toes, his skinny legs. I love the way he sucks in his bottom lip, the way he smiles in his sleep and his little squeaky grunts he makes when he is trying to get comfortable. He has been much sleepier than Ava ever was - barely ever opened his eyes for the first several days. He eats like a champ, hates being naked (including diaper changes and baths) and loves to be swaddled. He is my perfect, sweet little son.

Having Gavin "naturally," without an epidural was definitely an experience that I can say now (looking back) I am glad to have experienced. It was easier than my delivery with Ava in many ways. Did it hurt? Um, yes...of course haha. No way around that. BUT I felt much more present this time and the second Gavin was out and laying on my chest, all the pain I had been feeling went away. (Hard to explain without going into more detail than I would like on a blog haha.) Recovery has been much easier as well. Would I choose to have my next baby naturally? Probably not haha - but I will say that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - certainly not my "worst nightmare." The worst part was the contractions I felt as I was dilating from 5cm to 10cm in 20 minutes...then pushing was almost like relief because my body was doing what it was supposed to be doing. And rather than the nurse saying "Okay, you're having a contraction now...push!" I was the one saying, "Okay, I'm having a contraction now," and then my body helped me push. It's amazing (and crazy!) what our bodies can do! And I'm not going to lie - there is a little bit of an empowerment that I felt knowing I did something that I had been so scared to do. The nurse told me after it was over, "Next time you have a baby, you need to make sure you get to the hospital very early or else you'll have your baby in the car!" since apparently once my babies decide to come, they come fast!

One of the most tender moments of my life was watching Ava as a new big sister meeting her baby brother for the first time. Just as I had dreamed it 9 months prior, she walked into our hospital room wearing a "Big Sister" shirt and pointed to Gavin as she said "beebee." It's not even possible for me to express how much I love these two babies (I can call them both babies because, let's be honest, Ava is still very much a baby haha). I adore them. I feel blessed beyond words to be their momma, and I feel completely inadequate because these two deserve the absolute best of the best.

Welcome to the world and welcome to our family, sweet boy. 

We are so happy to have you.